OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I could fuck to npr.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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