Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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