i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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