obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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