No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
