I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
