The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
