It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this beer tastes like vomit already
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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