careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
