Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
