Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
