i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
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