I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
