Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
