Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
