so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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