I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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