your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
