I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
