I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
