woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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