well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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