shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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