glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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