So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
