I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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