you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
