I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
