woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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