Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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