One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
