This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
