I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
