dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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