I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
