I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
