I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
