apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
