i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
