Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
