Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
