You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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