A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
