he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
