listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
