This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
