He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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