i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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