Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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