So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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