Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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