Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
