i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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