Whod you bang
my phone needs a breathalizer
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
