Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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