He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i think i just lost a toe
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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