Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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